Funny Stuff

January isn’t even done and already there’s a candidate for “WHACKO OF THE YEAR”.

Totally out of bounds lawsuit

And the award for most awesome lawsuit goes to … the woman who is suing rap mogul Diddy for $1 trillion! Yep, that’s trillion with a “tr .” Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks has a bone or two (or a trillion) to pick with Sean “Diddy” Combs. In addition to claiming he’s behind the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks, Turks insists Combs harmed her children and owes her child support.

Source: Woman sues Diddy for $1 trillion

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Okay, I like the SCA, BUT…

Read and be warned, gentle person, lest thy actions cause thy demise!

(August, various years, Pennsylvania) Every summer, the Society for Creative Anachronism holds a two-week-long “war” in rural Pennsylvania. The Darwin Awards team loves SCA members for their welcoming enthusiasm and their passion for medieval history and arts both fine and martial. But as with any large organization, there are always a few outliers! And at an event the size of Pennsic, which attracts over 10,000 attendees from around the world, there are bound to be some potential Darwin Award winners running around. For example:
The saying goes, fighters have two neurons, one is lost and the other is out looking for it. A knight fell “dead” (i.e., passed out) on the battlefield after a minor body blow. When he came to, it was revealed his appendix had been removed just last weekend, and he was still “stapled shut” from surgery. Please, hide your knight’s helmet if he intends to endanger himself. Protect your fighters!

A woman was taken to the camp’s medical facility with heat exhaustion verging on heat stroke. Attempts to lower her temperature failed. Finally the EMTs removed her clothing to apply ice. Beneath her elaborate historic dress, they found that she was wrapped neck to ankles in plastic wrap — perhaps in order to lose weight? Removing the plastic wrap brought her temperature under control. Remember, ladies: Your date wants to stroke you, not plastic!

When the damp weather made it hard to get a campfire started, a knight suggested using a capful of white gas. His squire heard “cupful” and poured on two. The fumes became a situation. The knight, a real-life munitions expert, said, “We’ve got to burn it to defuse it.” One match later…WHOOMPH! A 14-foot column of hot fire was the result. The mushroom cloud could be seen a mile away. An actor in a nearby play glanced offstage, then hollered, “Fire!” to the crowded theater. The squire is restricted from using accelerants henceforth.

Source: 2010 At-Risk Survivor: Medieval Mayhem

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A woman in Arnold, Mo. was arrested for shoplifting when she was slow in figuring out that she was trying to get out an automatic enter door and quite loud in expressing her frustration. (From News of the Weird and KSDK, St. Louis)inFOLIO Research Group

A guy named Nathaniel Johnson was arrested in March in Tampa, Fl. on burglary charges when the police had evidence of his presence in a neighborhood that was having a rash of break-ins. The evidence? He was wearing an ankle monitor from a previous arrest! (From News of the Weird and WFTS, Tampa)

SHEESH!

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You know that the government passes laws, but when those laws go where the sun don’t shine, it gets seriously weird.  Thanks to Simcha and Alternet.

For instance:

In Bakersfield, Calif., if you’re going to have sex with Satan, you’ve gotta use a condom.

Poking a porcupine is illegal in Florida. But apparently that law didn’t go far enough. Just a couple of weeks ago, State Sen. Nan Rich submitted a bill that would ban peeps in the Sunshine State from being able to stick it in where the sun don’t shine on any animal.

In Minnesota, it’s illegal for any slime bucket to hook up with a live fish Don’t worry disinterested wives, a cold fish is still A-OK! (ed.  YUK!)

In Dyersburg, Tenn., it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date Clearly no one in that town is getting laid!

It’s illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama. (Ed.-anyone been to downtown Mobile lately?)

In Washington state, it’s totally legal to eff an animal like an animal , as long as it weighs less than 40 lbs.

In Washington, D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.

In Massachusetts, you cannot recklessly consummate your love with a rodeo clown while the horses are still around. Guess they’re afraid that the horses’ morals would be corrupted.

In Utah, sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you’re doing it for cold, hard cash! Now THAT is kinky!

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